I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
