Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
