so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
