Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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