Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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