Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
