he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
