i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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