Are we in a gay sports bar?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
