Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
