she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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