His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
When did we convert life to cartoon?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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