thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
