What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
