called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I can't turn off my feet"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
