I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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