My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize