I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
