I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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