If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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