we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
