She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
