She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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