my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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