I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
