i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
