I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize