Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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