Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you will always have a special place in my vag
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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