I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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