My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
