was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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