Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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