I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
