No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
