I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
