My sheets look like a crime scene.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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