Plan B is the new Plan A
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize