there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
