STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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