I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
