do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
