Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
