I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
MIDGETS
????
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
