we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
