You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
