Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
