I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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