He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
