I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
