brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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