Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
