Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
