the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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