I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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