Girls should come with a carfax report
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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