evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
