I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
