she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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