Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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