he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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