I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
