Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
