So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
