Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
