Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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