I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
someone owes me an orgasm
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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