My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
