How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
