I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
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like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
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She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here