I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.