I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.