I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
