Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
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this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
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Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.