i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.