there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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