i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
