Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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