We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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