I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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