After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
