just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
