Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
