took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
