He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she told me i tasted like america
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
